Don’t let the door hit you: Seeking Sister Wife 1×5 “Too Much Wrong, and Not Enough Right”

Remember this show? Here’s the last episode in case you’ve blocked it out (lucky you but I’m here to ruin that peace of mind).

Who: Me

What: Seeking Sister Wife Season 1 Episode 5 “Too Much Wrong, and Not Enough Right”

Where: My couch

When: March 17th 2018 (originally aired February 18 2018 gah!)

Why: Clearly I can’t get enough polygamy

We start in Atlanta, GA with the Snowden’s and Dimitri trying to deal with the  fallout of his choice to sleep with potential new wife Joselyn before talking about it with his actual wife Ashley. He thanks her for her patience and understanding which basically puts the onus on her to be patient and understanding. Sneaky. Ashley reiterates that she knows her husband will be intimate with other women, but that the two of them had an understanding of how that would unfold, and she’s upset that Dimitri did not uphold his end of the bargain. Fair. Dimitri says Joselyn texted him asking to get together and Ashley is pissed that Joselyn hasn’t reached out to her at all. Dimitri tries his luck and is like, so I can keep seeing Joselyn? Ashley wants to see if Joselyn will be honest with her about what happened and then she’ll have to think about it. Sorry Dimitri, you’re on group dates for the foreseeable future.

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I feel like all of you owe her an an explanation, an apology, an Edible Arrangement, and a vacation. #teamAshley Credit: TLC

American Fork, UT home of the Briney’s and Drew and his 2nd wife Auralee are out on a solo date. I bet she’d love to talk about anything besides her sister wives but Drew, after talking about his back spasms, immediately steers the conversation in that direction. Since Auralee watched the kids while wife #1 April and Drew were away on their anniversary April’s being nice to Auralee. For now at least. But, major storm clouds are currently brewing between wife #3 Angela and April. Auralee thinks Angela is really overwhelmed by their large family and is trying to retreat into her own space. Yeah I would too, you guys are nightmares. Drew suggests going “off the grid” and Auralee’s like yay camping! Yeah you know, taking people who hate each other out into the woods is a great idea. Not.

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That sounds like drugs, is it drugs? Credit: TLC

Scooting over to Genola, UT the Alldredges, specifically wife #1 Vanessa and husband Jeff, are going to their midwife’s to hopefully hear the heartbeat of their baby. The last time she couldn’t find a heartbeat so fingers crossed it was just too early. She’s got something showing up on the ultrasound but it has no heartbeat and is not filled with fluid, so no, it’s not a baby. Instead, it appears to be a mass that needs to be looked at right away. Poor Vanessa and her family. I’m not going to put in any photos of her crying/processing.

On that less than cheerful note, let’s go back to the Briney’s and watch them get ready for some camping! Auralee is writing out meal options with her sister wives when April makes the SUPER passive-aggressive comment that she appreciates Auralee taking charge on this since she (April) is usually the one having to do everything. Auralee’s response is literally uh-uh. Good for you on not taking the bait, I’m not nearly as strong. Auralee asks how they want to do dinner–everyone pitching in or tending to their bio kids? Angela only has one kid who’s really young so she’s happy to help do a communal dinner. April’s like are you sure? Angela’s like yeah, I just said so before April cuts in saying maybe she should think about it. Clearly, April doesn’t want to do communal eating and cleaning, but wants Angela to take the heat for not being cooperative. Shady. It’s REALLY tense and Auralee is trying so hard to keep things light. Angela’s baby, Lenny starts crying and that’s her cue to flee the scene. Camping! Bonding! Possible murder!

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The family motto. Credit: TLC

Speaking of murder, the Snowdens are meeting up with Joselyn for lunch and that girl does not know what is about to hit her. Ashley wants to see if Joselyn will tell her that she was intimate with Dimitri and my money is on she’ll lie. Let’s see. Awkwardly Joselyn starts to recount her date to Ashley as if she were her mom while Dimitri is sitting there. She’s all oh the conversation was good and we just had such a nice time. Ashley drops the what else happened? Obviously this was meant as an opening for Joselyn to spit it out. Instead Joselyn counters with she tried some new food. OMG this is PAINFUL. Joselyn asks if they think they’re ready to bring someone else into the relationship and Ashley is like yeah as long as that person can communicate and is honest. Joselyn just squirms the whole time. At the first opportunity Joselyn makes a beeline for the door and Ashley looks like a lion that just enjoyed her lunch of hapless twenty-two year old bunny. Dimitri is bummed Joselyn didn’t say anything since he knows that that means the end of Joselyn as a possible new wife.

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So I ate her for lunch. Credit: TLC

More Briney camping planning but this time it’s to assess the gear so they’re laying everything out on the front lawn. It looks like an REI garage sale. April asks if Angela will get her bedroll and she’s like probably but doesn’t move towards the door. Ooof guys this is entertaining but not healthy. Angela pulls Drew away for a chat and lets him know she and April are not on the same page (which of course he knew) and that she doesn’t want to be anywhere near her. In fact, she’s not too interested in going camping right now. Shocking. Drew admits that he’s had the same conversations with Auralee about the same issues, i.e. that April’s manipulative and insincere. He wishes his wives would talk to each other instead of coming to him, but that’s a lie he likes being in the center of the drama but not participating. Drew thinks Angela should try and have conversations where she has some love to offer April because he thinks she reacts meanly when she’s lonely or feeling bad. Yeah but that’s excusing the behavior, not fixing it. So. that discussion was essentially pointless. Yay camping!

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Because you’re smart, which begs the question: how’d you end up with Drew? Credit: TLC

Jeff and Vanessa return home to tell the kids and wife #2 Sharis that there is no baby. Sharis tells them that even though it’s her night, she doesn’t mind Jeff being with Vanessa which is very kind and supportive, and they thank her for that.

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Literally nothing mean to say here. Credit: TLC

Dimitri and Ashley go home to recap their date. Ashley is disappointed that Joselyn didn’t say anything and attributes that to lack of maturity and also lack of respect for her as a wife. Dimitri’s like oh good thing a challenge was presented a.k.a I slept with her so early on in the process, but to give him credit, he does backtrack and apologize again for his role in what happened. Ashley is not interested in pursuing a further relationship with Joselyn and Dimitri has no choice but to go along with that.

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Does that face say interested? Credit: TLC

The Briney’s are at the Uinta National Forest in Utah for this great big camping adventure of peacemaking. No pressure. One kid’s already crying before they leave the parking lot. Sounds like we’re off to a great start! Drew likes camping because the family can relax about the whole multiple wives thing and he can be dad to all his children. Once again, they know they’re on TV right? And that people can see them? Just checking. Angela gets there last after all the tents have been set up, and the only spot for hers is on an incline. Is this a classic teen movie or real life? She’s upset about the arrangement and this compounds her feelings of being alone. Drew’s all, “I like sleeping on an incline”. Not helpful or THE POINT Drew. April just wants Angela to be more involved with the family while making her feel isolated and then blaming her for that isolation. April is the worst.

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April do you even hear yourself? Credit: TLC

Jeff is taking Vanessa to the doctor’s to find out what’s going on with her. It seems she has a Molar pregnancy, which “is a nonviable pregnancy that produces a tumor and high pregnancy hormones”. Her tumor is fast growing and needs to be removed immediately. It’s all very sad and stressful for the family. Sharis stayed home to watch the kids while Vanessa’s in surgery and Jeff’s at the hospital. She’s trying to keep it happy and normal for them so she has them make heart cards. These three actually seem like a good team. Weird.

And once again, we end an episode on Vanessa’s health. Her family’s story really doesn’t fit in with the others, and it’s moments like this that you can see it, and feel it, in tone. I wonder if TLC felt they needed three families and so kept the Alldreges in out of necessity, because the in-fighting at the Biney’s and the search of the Snowden’s seem really trivial in comparison when the show hops back and forth between them. I imagine the next episode will try and have them refocus on adding another wife to the mix to get their plot lines  away from so much sad stuff and more in-line with the vibe of the show. We shall see.

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