It’s time to check back in with The Brown’s because they left us on a bit of a cliffhanger… does Mykelti get married? Will Kody make it back before the ceremony? Will I find him beyond irritating? I mean, you know the answer to all of that already but keep reading to see if you were right.

Who: Still just me

What: Sister Wives Season 12 Episode 10 Part 2 “Polygamexicamist Wedding”

Where: My apartment

When: March 17th 2018 (originally aired in February I’m behind I know)

Why: Because I love/hate this show

Picking up right where we left off we have Mykelti’s entire wedding waiting on Kody’s arrival because Christine (Mykelti’s mom) left his shirts back at the hotel. He finally shows up looking like a windswept waiter, and he and Christine go and see Mykelti in her dress for the first time together. It’s a nice moment that’s ruined by Kody’s assessment of her dress:

Christine gets a bit weepy and says she always wanted Mykelti to marry I guy that understood her. As opposed to….? Oooh some more exposition about how cold it is. Mykelti was adamant that she’d have an outdoor wedding, in December, in Utah and everyone’s surprised that it’s cold? What part of outdoor wedding in December that’s not taking place in Hawaii sounded like it’d be warm? The guests are wrapped up in blankets like they’re in the Arctic Circle but what the bride wants she gets. Before the party walks down the aisle the wedding planner lets the nearly 400 guests know that instead of rice, they’ll be throwing frisbees in an arch over the couple as they come back down the aisle. But shhh it’s a surprise. Ok it’s a cute idea because they met at an ultimate frisbee thing but it’s a TERRIBLE idea because someone will definitely be clunked in the head.

Wedding time! There’s like a hundred people in the bridal party before we get Kody and Mykelti walking down the aisle. The officiant asks if Mykelti is being given away with her father and her family’s blessing (ew why is the father being singled out from the family?) and then Kody punches Tony on the arm because MEN ARE MANLY EVEN AT WEDDINGS. Here’s my property Tony haha isn’t it great being men? Go sit down Kody you’re ruining the wedding.

They have a Spanish interpreter because Tony’s family is Mexican and that’s a nice inclusive touch. Chris, Mykelti’s old boss and their officiant, begins with some platitudes about love and Tony has a sarcastic response to all of it, which he gives under his breath until Myketli shushes him. Tony want to write blog posts? I think you’d be good at it.

Chris asks the couple to grasp a frisbee and now I think they’re just beating a cute concept into the ground. He tries to make it relevant with some circle imagery–no beginning or end, and that playing ultimate frisbee demands “attention, effort, and balance”. That’s probably pushing it but okay fine. Tony notices that Mykelti is in a strapless wedding dress while their guests look like they’re ready to start hibernating for the winter. And guess what? He gives her his coat!

I’m not totally dead inside, that’s a very nice gesture but the adults act like he saved her from a burning building. Relax guys. Time for the vows! They’ve written them themselves and they’re perfectly serviceable. Rings are exchanged, I do’s are said, and they’re married!

We get a lot of Tony hugging various Brown siblings and they all seem really happy he married their sister. That’s nice. Picture time! Mykelti wants her pictures to be taken outside instead of in the country club lobby but Kody is here to RUIN EVERYTHING and says no way it’s too cold. He’d have to take off his jacket and gloves which is too burdensome for him, so he blames his reluctance on the little kids being sick and gets wife #4 Robin to back him up (as usual). So Mykelti says fine they’ll just do her mom, dad, and bio sibs outside and the big family photo will be taken inside on account of the smallest kids. Ha! Kody still had to go outside and wasn’t happy about it.

Dinner time! During wedding planning Tony was sure that the Brown’s had underestimated the number of street tacos they were going to serve while they thought he was nuts for suggesting they increase the number. Guess who was right? Yeah, duh, Tony. Speeches (also with an interpreter): Kody’s speech can be summed up thusly:

Sit down Kody. Christine’s next and she’s going to sing and she’s so nervous:

She picked Bing Cosby’s”Let Me Call You Sweetheart” which her grandfather would sing to her grandmother. That’s sweet. So how’d she do? Well, let’s just say that if this was a singing reality TV show she would not have progressed to the next round. But on the plus side, I wasn’t experiencing second-hand embarrassment. Yay Christine that was very brave, you couldn’t pay me enough money to get up and sing.

There’s a lot of concern that Tony will smash cake in Mykelti’s face but guess what? He doesn’t do it. Phew, disaster averted. He’s such a gentleman what with the jacket and no cake-face. They have their first dance which involves aggressive spinning but everyone seems happy and joins in.

Tony really wanted piñatas at the wedding, which everyone was on board with, until he mentioned he wanted them to look like Mykelti and him and that they would invite guests to beat the bride and groom. Christine floats the idea that they should incorporate this at polygamist weddings, but where the wives beat the groom AND new wife piñata. You know, as a joke. Oh Christine this is why you’re my favorite.

Despite the cold, the wedding went off without a hitch and everyone had a good time. Mazel tov you crazy kids! Now go stand next to a heater before you get frostbite.