Brace yourself I’m diving back into the relatively muddy waters of the Brown family. What took so long? Well, here’s the synopsis provided by TLC for this next episode:

Janelle’s house is all joy as Maddie has her baby shower. But Christine is devastated when Ysabel’s X-ray’s show that her scoliosis is worsening and surgery is imminent. In desperation they turn to unproven alternative treatments. 

Just what I wanted! Unproven alternative treatments for the scoliosis of a fourteen year old. I thought about skipping this episode but maybe it won’t be that dreadful (famous last words).

Who: do you even have to ask?

What: Sister Wives Season 12 Episode 15 “The Truth Comes Out Part 1” and Season 12 Episode 16 “The Truth Comes Out Part 2”

Where: couch

When: Sunday November 4 2018

Why: no one knows

It’s St. Patricks Day and Meri is having everyone over for dinner, including her daughter Mariah and Mariah’s girlfriend. They’ve been dating a whole three months and seem very happy together. The whole family shows up and Kody and Meri have some weird tension before Caleb, Maddie’s husband says the prayer. Kody likes Caleb’s prayers even though he is a fundamentalist born-again Christian. Yay?

Then there’s a self righteous monologue about being open minded about other religions and how they are collectively raising their kids to be tolerant. Sure that’s great but I still think it’s weird you have to say that out loud. Back to the dinner and Meri has pulled out a sheet cake with a rainbow and leprechaun on it–but tells her daughter that the rainbow is for her. It’s nice and Mariah laughs and see Kody this is how you just be supportive without making everything so intense. Also, Christine says this:

All the moms are supportive of Mariah, and they talk a bit about how the younger kids talk about gay kids at school and that it’s not as big a deal anymore, at least where they live in Nevada. Progress!

Now onto Ysabel. She’s only fourteen and I’m not going to put her medical information on the internet, even though it is on the show because that feels weird to me. Long story short: her spinal curvature has been worse and her doctor is recommending surgery. Christine is hoping to avoid surgery by going to a place where they do spinal muscle strengthening instead. The doctor has signed off on Ysabel trying this program so presumably it’s not totally out there. There’s no guarantee it will work but Christine has hope–or hopeum as she’s calling it.

Aha now a topic I can get actually get into: Kody and Meri’s marriage. They’re off to see their therapist Nancy, and Kody Does. Not. Want. To. Go. He doesn’t see the point but obviously he goes anyway and immediately takes his shoes off. Gag. Excuse me no one gave you permission to do that why are you the worst. Kody tells Nancy that they drove there together which is momentous and that after the last time they saw her they had a fairly positive dinner. Progress? Meri brings up the house she wants to buy nearly right away (it’s her great-great-great grandfather’s house) and Kody thinks this is a terrible idea. Don’t be alarmed but I actually agree with Kody (quick someone take my pulse and temperature) that the house is a money pit and its location in Utah makes it too far away to be manageable, especially if Meri wants it to be a bed and breakfast. Part of why Kody has agreed to come to this therapy appointment is so he can “learn to say nice words about why this is a horrible idea”.

Kody tells her that he supports her in this effort but she will have to find another way to finance these dreams because the family is not chipping in. Meri is obviously hurt and views it as Kody pushing her away and forcing her to be separate–because that’s exactly what is happening. He’s saying go ahead and do it but you’re doing it alone. Meri muses in a talking head that maybe it would be healthier, and that she would be happier, out of this relationship. Yes girl literally everyone can see that. Kody agrees to go look at the house, but he shows the same level of enthusiasm as if we just told him he has to sit through a middle school band concert and none of the musicians are related to him.

Hold onto your hats its getting crazier. So remember from before when Meri was wondering about leaving? Throw all that out the window because she’s ready for a deeper emotional relationship with Kody. And how about you Kody?

Kody then says, ever on brand, that he think the only reason they are technically together is because of plural marriage and he doesn’t know how monogomists do it. Meaning the structure of the family allowed for this relationship to still be clinging to the vine, because there are so many other relationships to juggle, and had it been only the two of them they would have had to deal with this sooner. That’s not really an endorsement for polygamy but I think he might think it is one?

More medical stuff about Ysabel’s scoliosis and once again a synopsis: Ysabel will likely need surgery and while that is unfortunate, Christine is very focused on, and literally crying over whether or not her scar will ruin her ability to enjoy the beach, go to prom, or get married. Yeah I can’t even either so let’s ignore that.

It’s Maddie’s baby shower and it’s hunting themed because nothing says yay it’s a baby like an activity involving guns and dead animals. Anyway, it turns out that it’s Kody’s first baby shower because he didn’t attend any of his wives’s parties. I’m so glad we found a way to make this about Kody. During a talking head cutaway Maddie drops this bombshell: Kody has only changed around five of his children’s diapers. I would like to remind you the man has 15 biological children (18 total). HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? So obviously Kody and Caleb (Maddie’s husband) are going to do a blind folded diaper changing contest because men or something. Kody won, but really, are there any winners here?

Aaaaaand more spine stuff: Ysabel Christine and Kody go to a spinal place in Michigan so she can learn some exercises that might help with the curvature of her spine.

Maddie and Caleb go get an ultrasound and she lets us know she wants to have a home birth. Okay good for you.

Back in Michigan, Kody and Christine are having a date while Ysabel does scoliosis boot camp. At a farmer’s market Christine guesses how to turn on a light correctly and Kody comes back with this insanity: The funny thing about a woman is she’d rather be right than be loved.

UM WHAT? No. Also, no. Now I need to practice my deep breathing exercises so I don’t have a fit. Other than that moment of crazy it’s just a recap of how Christine struggled with Robyn coming into the family and now she’s over it and closer with Robyn and I’m not sure why that was stuck in there but there we are.

We’ve come to the end of this two episode saga, and I believe up next is Madison’s home birth. On that cliff hanger I bid you farewell until next time.