Oscars 2019: Hostless with the mostless

Wooooooo! It’s Oscar Sunday and I am liveblogging the entire ceremony. Before we get started, here are my predictions for the winner of the major categories that I care about:

Actor in a leading role: Rami Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody

Actor in a supporting role: Mahershala Ali for Green Book

Actress in a leading role: Glenn Close for The Wife

Actress in a supporting role: Regina King for If Beale Street Could Talk

Music (original song): Lady Gaga for “Shallow” from A Star Is Born

Best picture: Roma

Let’s see how I do, now on with the show!

We open with a performance from Queen. Adam Lambert has been touring with the band as their frontman for nearly six years now. He (unsurprisingly) sounds great and the crowd is into it. They end their two song set with Freddie on screen. Ok sure.

Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, and Amy Poehler! They’re not hosting but now that they’re up there I really wish they were. More of this please world.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!
Credit: ABC

Regina King wins Best Supporting Actress! So far my guesses are on fire! Regina looks good and her speech is rambly.

If Beale Street Could Talk It’d Say You Did It Girl
Credit: Entertainment Tonight

Ohhh Jason Mamoa and Helen Mirren are presenting best documentary (feature) together and I would definitely see any movie starring this duo. Free Solo wins and Jason is really excited because he legit loves rock climbing. Like, half of his Instagram is him doing shirtless rock climbing. I really want to see this one–it’s about Alex Honnold’s climb up El Capitan with no support. Crazy.

Tom Morello from the band Rage Against The Machine introduces Vice.

Elsie Fisher and Stephan James present Makeup and Hairstyling to…Vice. Seriously? Not Mary Queen Of Scotts? OMG these winners are so bad at giving this speech please get them off the stage. They cut the microphone!

I LOVE YOU MELISSA MCCARTHY. She and Brian Tyree Henry, who also looks great, are presenting costume design and you can’t see the ginormous train in this shot but please know that it is literally covered in stuffed rabbits. Ooooh Black Panther wins! Now this is a good thank you speech.

It’s like looking in a mirror
Credit: ABC

J.Lo (in a disco ball dress) and Chris Evans are here to present production design. That seems like a weird choice for such famous people. Black Panther wins another one! This winner is giving a great speech, go girl! She’s also the first black woman ever nominated for this award and she won! The guy she won with wasn’t given any time whoops.

Hi Tyler Perry. Achievement in Cinematography goes to Roma!

Emilia Clark looks freaking amazing in sparkly purple and her offering RBG use of her dragons was very cute. Jennifer Hudson is singing “I’ll Fight” from RBG in a pantsuit with giant train. It’s a skirt suit off! Who wore it better? J. Hud or Billy Porter?

Serena is here! I love you so much Serena! She’s here to introduce A Star Is Born. Is it because she is a star and was born? I’m basically a detective genius.

James McAvoy and Danai Gurira do a cute bit for sound editing which ends up going to Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah, that makes sense. The duo are still presenting. Sound mixing is awarded to…Bohemian Rhapsody!

Queen Latifah is introducing The Favourite because Queen is in her name. Wow the academy was really reaching with that one but it’s always nice to see her.

Angela Basset and Javiar Bardem (en Espanol) give foreign language film to Roma. I mean duh.

Keegan Michael-Key just descended on the crowd a la Mary Poppins–complete with umbrella and Trump incompetence reference. He’s here to introduce Bette Midler singing the nominated song from May Poppins Returns. She obviously got a standing ovation.

I HATE THIS DRESS SO MUCH WHY BETTE?
Credit: Popsugar

Trevor Noah is black, African, and here to introduce Black Panther. Yeah I’m not touching that one.

Michael Keaton gives the Oscar for film editing to…. Bohemian Rhapsody.

Daniel Craig and Charlize Theron are here to present Best Supporting Actor (weird that it’s the two of them and not Allison Janney who won for Best Supporting Actress last year and is there). Mahershala Ali wins for Green Book! I’m two for two! Because this night is all about me!

He’s all good in my book
Credit: ABC

Just FYI we’re 1.5 hours in so far. Only 1.5 to go.

OMG this Marriott commercial is directed by an Oscar winner and therefor related and supposed to inspire me to travel? This is trying very hard. Wait and the Oscars audience saw it in the theater? Nope.

Laura Dern is wearing glasses and I am also wearing glasses. Twins! There’s going to be a museum for movies. It’s “Coming Soon”! So clever.

Michelle Yeoh is a goddess and Pharrell is irritating. Oh and animated feature film is awarded to Spiderman: Into The Spider-verse. This is a good series of speeches by these guys.

Kacey Musgraves is in a giant awful pink dress and here to introduce the song from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. It’s very country and that’s only partially because Gillian Welch and David Rawlings sing it.

This was actually a really nice performance and I don’t have anything mean to say. Weird
Credit: Pitchfork

Wayne’s World‘s Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey are very funny introducing Bohemian Rhapsody. We’re not worthy!

Awkwafina and John Mulaney are here and I’m so happy. They can host whatever Rudolph, Fey, and Pohler turn down. Bao wins the Oscar for animated film (short). Yay they’re also presenting documentary short subject. And the winner is… Period. End of sentence. These women are freaking amazing. Excuse me I need to go watch this movie like right now. Or at least after the Oscars.

The best thing to happen to suits post Markle
Credit: NewsOK

Diego Luna (partially en Espanol) and Chef Jose Andres are here to introduce Roma and they give a special shoutout to women and immigrants.

Sarah Paulson and Paul Rudd are presenting visual effects and I assume the award goes to Paul Rudd because he has not aged in at least two decades. Apparently I’m wrong and First Man gets the award.

YAAAAAAS GAGA sing your face off! Okay, and Bradley’s a good singer too. In the shalalalalalows!

Do not adjust your screens they really were this orange
Credit: ABC

Krysten Ritter is pregnant and I did not know that. Thanks Oscars! She’s also presenting with Kiki Layne. Skin wins best live action short film.

Samuel L. Jackson and Brie Larson are here to tell Spike Lee that the Knicks won tonight. Everyone can go home know! Wait never mind, they’re actually here to give the original screenplay Oscar to Green Book. And best adapted screenplay goes to… BlacKkKlansman. This is a good night for Spike Lee! Whoa he’s doing a political spoken word speech. “Let’s do the right thing!” Standing ovation for Spike Lee.

He’s Gotta Have It!
Credit: NYTimes

Tessa Thompson and Michael B. Jordan are here to let us know that bad things can happen in the ocean and trust me I’ve been saying that for ages. Best original score is awarded to Black Panther.

LADY GAGA IS AN OSCAR WINNER!!!! YAAAAAASSSSSS GAGA!! Constance Wu and Chadwick Boseman presented her with the award for original song. Got that one right!

The President of the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences, John Bailey, is here to present the In Memoriam reel. That’s a nice way to bring him onstage.

Quick check in with the Governor’s and Science Technical Awards. And moving right along…

Barbara Streisand is here to grace us with her sparkling beret and gets a standing ovation. Wait, SHE’S introducing BlacKkKlansmen? She’s basically besties with Spike Lee? Okay cool.

Now Allison Janney comes out? Oh they stuck her with Gary Oldmen hm. Actor in a leading role goes to… ha ha! Rami Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody! Four for four!

No time for losers ’cause he is the champion
Credit: ABC

Amandla Stenberg and Rep. John Lewis (I thought I saw him briefly in the audience and was like what? no? but apparently I was right) introduce Green Book.

We are officially three hours into this broadcast and I am going to need them to wrap this up soon.

Francis McDormand and Sam Rockwell!!! Franny D I love you so much. Actress in a leading role goes to… Olivia Coleman for The Favourite! Drat did not get that one right but yay Olivia!!! That was such a good speech!

Forever a favourite
Credit: ABC

Guillermo del Toro had a fever yesterday but he’s fighting through it so he can present best director. Oh yeah Alfonso Cuaron won for Roma!

Julia Roberts is here and I don’t know why. I mean, I know why–she’s presenting best picture. But why her? So random. GREEN BOOK WINS?!!! Are we sure this isn’t a La La Land moment? I can’t even.

This show was officially three hours and twenty minutes long. It’s a marathon and I think viewing this should count as a sport.

To recap: I got four out of six predictions right (which is a pretty good year), I’m thinking of cutting my hair into more of a bob because a lot of women had them and I’m very susceptible to hair ideas, I need to watch those documentaries, and the Oscars was fine without a host. Until next year!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s