What?!! A new post? That’s right boys and girls and everyone in-between or abstaining from a gender identity, I’m back. I had a brief (one month is brief right?) crisis of self-doubt compounded with a cold and new job and it was just too much to come home and tell you how dumb the TV is. And it’s so dumb. However, I’m still not really telling you about the TV because this post is all about The Met Gala aka the Oscars of fashion. What’s the Met Gala? It’s technically a fundraiser for the NY Metropolitan Museum’s Costume Institute, which by the way, is the only division of the MET that has to outsource its budget. HBIC of Vogue/Conde Nast publications Anna Wintour is the Chair and she throws this shindig annually, along with some very famous co-chairs and likes everyone to dress according to the exhibit theme. This year’s co-chairs were: Donatella Versace, Amal Clooney, and Rihanna and the theme was “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination”. Let’s eyeball a selection of guests.

Amal Clooney (with an assist from George) in PANTS and a corset top with floral bedspread attached to her hips designed by Richard Quinn. Is this on theme? No. Do I like it? Not really. Is it unusual? Sure.

Donatella Versace in Versace because duh. I think she saw Amal’s look and decided to belt her bedspread around her waist too. Otherwise, it’s an eh mini dress and matching boots. This is not screaming Catholic imagination to me. Next!

Anna Wintour in custom Chanel and her daughter Bee Shaffer in Valentino. This is rumored to be Wintour’s last year chairing the event and I think if so, she’s going out with a (fairly bridal) bang. The beading is beautiful and the cross is on theme if sort of weirdly low on her body. I just wish it didn’t look like she was being choked/needed an elaborate neck brace. Bee looks great but I don’t think the cross handbag is enough to qualify her choice as thematic.

I know that technically Rihanna should be next as she’s the last co-chair but I’m saving her for closer to last.

Solange Knowles (sister of Beyonce (who did not attend)) actually crowd sourced her outfit and asked Twitter what she should wear out of the 3 options pictured. I think second from the left but obviously she went with the dress in both the pictures on the far right and left and combined the headpieces. Admittedly, I like this dress better on her at the event than I did in the initial photos (the designer is Iris van Herpen). The headpiece obviously makes it more Byzantine/Catholic but the rest is dystopian leather fetish. Oh Solange never change.

Cardi B in Moschino with Moschino designer Jeremy Scott in Moschino. She’s nearly eight months pregnant and I’m impressed she wanted to carry around that much fabric weight for the night. Between the two of them do you think there are any beads and pearls left on the planet? Jeremy must have seen Amal/Donatella and made sure Cardi had the required bedspread look too. It’s a lot of look but is it Catholic? I’m not so sure. Bridal? I’m also not so sure. Aliens who are biker/matadors? Nailed it.

J. Lo in Balmain. I think this would be cooler if it didn’t end in a puddle of feathers and was just a slinky chainmail-adjacent dress with a giant cross. Although the more I look at it the more I want to change–that color blue doesn’t really go, and it makes her shoulders look broad…but she committed to theme so A for Effort!

Madonna in Jean Paul Gaultier. Honestly, she was one of the ones I was most excited to see. After all her years combining Catholicism and sexuality I figured Madge here would show up in something so insanely extra the Internet would break. Instead, we get a flesh cross, giant bedskirt ruffle, veil, crown, and bouquet of roses. It’s almost Renaissance faire dress up. She definitely is on theme, I just wish it was bigger and more provocative.

Cara Delevigne in Dior. Um paging Madonna, I think Cara here got your dress! Well, more of a glorified net than a dress considering the skin to fabric ratio (math). What I really love is that beaded headband with hanging stars, I think it elevates the look. She usually dyes her hair a fun shade for the Gala and this year is no exception with the pink just a bit visible. The only thing I’d change? The hand jewelry. Is it Catholic? No clue.

Ariana Grande in Vera Wang WITH Vera Wang in Vera Wang. Slow clap for Ariana/Vera, this dress has images from the Sistine Chapel on it, with the Crucification happening between her boobs. I mean how much more Catholic can you get? I don’t know what Vera’s wearing and don’t like it so let’s focus on Ariana. Four for you girl. Four. For. You!

Emilia Clarke aka Khalessi aka Mother of Dragons aka Breaker of Chains wore a Dolce & Gabbana that featured heavy scrollwork and cherubs paired with a crown. She’s gorgeous, the look is gorgeous, I’m counting cherubs as Catholic.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Andy Cohen in Dolce & Gabbana. SJP’s headpiece is a nativity scene I repeat, this is not a drill, SJP is wearing the nativity on her head while dressed in a weird gold gown with hearts. What is that sentence I just typed. Andy looks like he’s wearing all the layers ever invented and their gold tones don’t match, but at least he made an effort. Does it get more Catholic than THE NATIVITY on your head? I think not.

Lana Del Ray and Jared Leto in Gucci. *Clutches pearls falls to the floor* Jared Leto came AS JESUS. I can’t I’m done I love it. Lana meanwhile has an extra knife in case you accidentally drop yours during dinner (don’t @ me I know she’s channeling Our Lady of Sorrows). These two almost give SJP and Andy a run for their money. Almost.

Chadwick Boseman in Versace and Taylor Hill in Diane Von Furstenberg. This is amazing. Both of them are thisclose to wearing a costume manage to make it fashion. Yes to all of this, very Catholic.

The KarJenner’s (Kendall, Kim, Kris, and Kylie) were in attendance and were really boring so I grouped them together here. Kim’s look has subtle crosses (one on her hip and the other on her bodice) so she made a thematic effort, while Kendall’s pant legs have their own trains. Kris is in a blah feathered dress, and Kylie wore mirrored sunglasses. Guys! Try harder next year.

Greta Gerwig in The Row. Fraulein Maria would have killed the Abbess for this habit. I love that Greta had the guts to wear something so stark on a night where most went full gilded lily. Catholic? Check.

Stella Maxwell in Moschino. I can’t tell if I love this or hate it but know it’s definitely Catholic.

Shailene Woodley in Ralph Lauren and Zendaya in Versace. Both these women dressed in armor so it seemed fitting to put them together. I don’t love Shailene’s look, or understand how it relates to the theme but since she’s at the MET she can go hang out in the hall of armor. Zendaya on the other hand is giving Joan of Arc realness and I am OB.SESSED. Not sure it’s Catholic, not sure I care.

Lena Waithe in Carolina Herrera. Girl brought pride to the MET and pride to my heart. She’s talked so much about having the community on her shoulders that she’s literally wearing us. Is this a middle finger to the Vatican for their stance on homosexuality? Yeah probably. Round of freaking applause for Lena.

If you’ve made it this far go and get yourself a cookie. You’ve earned it. The final two are:

Rihanna in Maison Margiela. Rihanna showed up IN A POPE HAT and micro mini dress with matching jacket. I literally laughed out loud when I saw this because if anyone was going to go full Pope, it was going to be Rihanna. I can’t tell if it would be more of a visual punch without the jacket, but I applaud her major commitment to theme and would like to nominate her for next Pope.

Rihanna was one of the last to show up, so we all thought it was time to turn off the cameras and go home. Then:

Katy Perry in Versace. Who’s looking at the Versace dress when Katy’s giving us literal fallen angel sitting on the museum steps.

Katy and Ri were the perfect end to a zany night of fashion. BUT! There are so many other good looks, do yourself a favor and see this slideshow. Frances McDormand is dressed like a tree, other people are wearing headdresses, there are trains galore. It was so hard to pick just these to talk about, but all good things must come to an end. More posts coming your way and you better believe I am all over the upcoming royal wedding. Stay tuned.