Guys its so early I feel like I’m getting ready to catch a flight. Ok, let’s watch some people get married.

5:26 AM: Turned on CBS because I love Gayle King but who knows if I’ll stick with them. They’ve got a British woman talking but I’m not sure who it is.

5:28 AM: Ok celeb time we’ve got James Cordon and wife, Serena Williams and her husband, the Beckhams. And Oprah’s there and Elton John.

5:29AM: Princess Anne is getting a lot of airtime sitting in her seat. Can’t see the fascinators on Beatrice and Eugenie but presumably they’re less nuts than what they wore to Kate’s wedding.

5:30 AM: George’s chapel seems really small, like what is the capacity fifty people?

5:33AM: Gayle says the most stressed out person today is the wedding planner. Now I want to watch that J.Lo movie but guys enough about the planner let’s hear about Meghan.

5:34 AM: Harry’s arrived!!! Big cheer. And he kept his beard! I did not predict that. Harry and Will are walking in to the chapel and seem relaxed. Both in black uniforms. Oh wedding guests were told they couldn’t have swords. Note to self keep sword at home.

5:36 AM: They’re talking about how Harry is always the third wheel. Guys it’s his WEDDING day say nice things.

5:38AM: Guests stand up as Harry and Will walk down the aisle. Twenty minutes until show time. They’re telling me what his uniform is made of but I’m not interested because men’s fashion is boring.

5:40 AM: Meghan’s motorcade is on the way!

5:41 AM: Eugenie’s in a dark turquoise dress and hat while Beatrice is wearing a beige pillbox hat. Everyone seems nicely dressed, no one looks crazy. Amal Clooney is in bright yellow and Victoria Beckham has dressed for a funeral.

5:43 AM: Hey she’s going to be the Duchess of Sussex! Called it.

5:43 AM: Cary Mulligan and her Mumford and Sons husband are also there.

5:44 AM: Gayle doesn’t care if she’s technically a duchess, she’s going to call her princess Meghan.

5:45 AM: From snaps of Meghan in the car, it seems she didn’t go with the Spencer Tiara–that’s another box checked.

5:46 AM: I’m so glad that the weather looks fabulous. Way to go weather!

5:47 AM: Gayle has “physical goosebumps” on her arms. Excellent news update.

5:48 AM: Meghan’s wearing the Queen Mary Tiara also called the Filigree Tiara.

5:48 AM: It’s too bad Harry and Will can’t keep their uniform hats on in the chapel, they look cuter with them on.

5: 49 AM: Harry looks really nervous and like he’s in trouble sitting on a chair next to William at the top of the aisle.

5:50 AM: I’m not sure talking about how unhappy Diana and Charles were makes sense for this moment guys.

5:52 AM: Okay someone’s arriving….it’s Doria Ragland (Meghan’s mom) in a beautiful green suit.

5:53 AM: Prince Charles and Camilla in a GIANT feathered hat. I can always count on Camilla for a major hat.

5:54 AM: Aww Doria’s so emotional sitting in her seat. I can’t imagine how she feels.

5:54 AM: The Queen and Prince Philip are here! She’s in a bright green suit and hat with purple flowers. Glad Prince Philip looks so good considering he just had hip surgery.

5:55 AM: Doria’s taking visible deep breaths. Me too.

5:56 AM: Here are the little kids–10 in all and all under the age of eleven.

5:57 AM: Dress was designed by Erdem!! We haven’t gotten a really good look at it yet.

5:58 AM: Kate is here with the kids but not a good look at her dress either.

5:59 AM: Right on time here’s Meghan. Joined by her best friend’s twins.

6:00 AM: THE DRESS looks very sleek and has full sleeves and a loooong veil being carried by those twins. Now it’s being reported it’s NOT an Erdem dress and I’m not sure I love it.

6:02 AM: Ceremony time. Harry’s watching her come down the aisle which I like. William didn’t watch Kate. The flower children are so freaking cute.

6:03 AM: Meghan’s been joined by Charles on her journey up the aisle and Harry looks a bit overwhelmed. They just said “hi” to each other. Meghan gave her bouquet to one of the flower girls.

6:04 AM: These two people are so in love it’s adorable. We’re listening to some very high-pitched singing which is beautiful.

6:06 AM: Religious ceremony has started with a really long aerial shot of the chapel.

6:07 AM: The priest is talking about the importance of marriage but I’m more interested in the dress situation. It’s by Clare Waight Keller who became the first woman chosen as the Artistic Director at Givenchy.

 

6:10 AM: Kate’s in yellow with a big hat. The congregation is singing a hymn.

6:11 AM: Harry lifted Meghan’s veil over her face pretty smoothly.

6:11 AM: Speak now or forever hold your peace! No one said anything and the couple are beaming.

6:12 AM: They said their “I will’s”!! I will too guys.

6:13 AM: The bride and groom take the seats Harry and Will sat in earlier at the aisle. Reading by Lady Jane Fellowes–Diana’s younger sister.

6:15 AM: Meghan’s dress has a boatneck which only works on her because she has beautiful shoulders. Otherwise, it’s a plain white long-sleeved gown. Her veil and tiara at least are major, but I wanted more glitz and glam from the dress itself!! Her hair is back and looks really pretty.

6:19 AM: An African-American priest person is speaking and he’s so emotive I feel like this is the absolute opposite of everything British I’ve ever seen.

6:20 AM: Harry and Meghan are holding hands and Meghan can’t stop smiling. Gah! They’re so happy. I really like this preacher person they brought from the U.S.

6:22 AM: Kate has no right to look so freaking good only a month after giving birth.

6:27 AM: Preacher man has still been speaking and it’s nice but I’m looking at pictures of Meghan’s dress instead of listening to him talk about the importance of love.

6:30 AM Good news! The couple still appears to be happy and in love. Meghan also appears to be way more engaged by the preacher than Harry.

6:32 AM: Choir is singing “Stand By Me” and they’re doing a pretty great job.

6:35 AM: Vows!!

6:36 AM: William has handed over the rings–good job William you have fulfilled your role as best man.

6:37 AM: Rings are exchanged!!

6:39 AM: THEY ARE PROCLAIMED HUSBAND AND WIFE! CROWD OUTSIDE GIVES BIG CHEER!

6:40 AM: Choir is singing again.

6:43 AM: Doria is on the verge of tears and I’m not sure who she’s sitting next to.

6:44 AM: An Archbishop is speaking–hey wait when did Harry and Meghan kneel in front of podium looking things I missed that.

6:46 AM: Another religious person is speaking and he looks very severe in his black outfit.

6:47 AM: The assembled congregation looks really bored. Oh good the choir’s back at the singing.

6:50 AM: Harry, Meghan, Doria, and Charles along with some priest people have left the altar what are they doing I do not know and don’t remember Kate and William leaving for a minute. Gayle fill me in!

6:52 AM: The congregation is seated for a cello performance but where did the bride and groom go?!!

6:55 AM: We are still cello-ing. Now with bonus orchestral accompaniment.

6:58 AM: Thank god for Google. Apparently they are signing the wedding certificate with Doria and Charles (along with the Archbishop) overseeing the signing and the music is to keep us occupied during that interlude.

7:00 AM: Charles is back in his seat so presumably the signing is over? Yeah there’s Doria signing must be finished although we’re still listening to music.

7:02 AM: Aaaaaaaand they’re back at the altar for the National Anthem. Meghan has learned the words to “God Save The Queen”.

7:04 AM: Recessional!

7:05 AM: First kiss on the steps of the church.

7:07 AM: Carriage has pulled up and they’re negotiating getting that veil into it. Rest of the family still on the steps.

7:10 AM: The commentators are back and just saying words.

7:12 AM: Turned over to HBO to hear the stylings of Will Ferrel and Molly Shannon because if I’m going to listen to chatter about two people sitting in a carriage it might as well be funny.

7:15 AM: So far they do not disappoint and are discussing how it’s the dream of Canadian black bears to end up as a hat worn outside Buckingham Palace.

7:22 AM: Meghan’s wave is much less aggressive according to Will/Molly.

7:28 AM: Oooh now a discussion of psychedelic drugs. So romantic.

7:36 AM: Naming the Spice Girls–so far they’ve only got one correct.

7:39 AM: Hating on fruit cake, suggesting they should have gone with an ice cream cake.

7:47 AM: Turned back to CBS and Gayle has a giant feather sprouting out of her head. Talking about the transformation of Harry from “cheeky” to responsible young man. They’re already playing flashback clips of the ceremony…and I’m watching them.

8:00 AM: Gayle’s changed into a hat that looks like a giant lily pad, and on that note, I’m calling the coverage of the royal wedding of Harry and Meghan over.

Takeaways: these two people are so in love its crazy–if either of them had any pores love would be radiating out of them. The dress was understated to the max, which was disappointing. Meghan looked great in it, but she would have been stunning in a burlap sack so that’s not really an accomplishment the designer can take credit for. The veil added interest to the dress, but the tiara was the main fashion focal point, and it’s not my favorite tiara–I prefer ones with more space/open work. The bouquet was pretty but small–I had the same complaint about Kate’s wedding so maybe that’s just how they do them in Britain I don’t know.

All in all, it was a beautiful wedding for two madly in love people on a gorgeous day in May. Mazel tov you guys! Now I’m going back to bed.